A New Beginning
by Kyra Renee
Summary: Rin has decided that it is time to experience life to the fullest, which includes telling her precious Lord Sesshomaru just how she really feels. With a passionate change of pace, Rin gets more than she bargained for. Will her demon lord stand by her side, or will this be too much for him to handle? Sequel to Where the Heart Is.
1. Chapter 1

The woman would never grow into her womanhood; the fact had been proven over the years. The heart of a child would always beat within her regardless of how much time passed. Though her body matured, her spirit did not. She carried more wisdom than she had in her younger days, but that wisdom was hardly ever put to use. There was no need for it when she had little chance to speak as it was. She had become something of a silent companion, speaking only when in need of something or when her excitement got the best of her.

When left alone she would delve deep into her womanly thoughts and do some deeper thinking. But her thoughts were often easily replaced when her mind wandered to him.

She had remained by his side for all these years and though their relationship had grown in some ways, it remained cold and hardened in others. As a child she had wanted nothing more than to be praised by him, as a young woman she had just wanted to feel his touch and as a grown woman she wanted so much more. She wanted to push past the boundaries and explore what was on the other side.

She was getting no younger and she would be damned if she died an old maid. She had chipped away some of the ice packed around his cold demon heart, but she had so much left to do before it was melted entirely. It would take longer than a lifetime to accomplish that task and her days were numbered.

He stood with his back to her just up ahead on the crest of the hill and she rubbed her palms against the fabric of her kimono. She spent every night watching him when she knew she should have been sound asleep and preparing for another day of travel. She hungered for him in more ways than she had ever hungered for another living soul. Her heart, body, mind, soul and everything else about her being belonged to him whether he wished for it to or not.

Rin assumed that he had to know; that he had to feel _something_ in return. Even if it was small, she knew it was there and buried deep within him. She found it hard to believe that he was incapable of feeling love. Everyone was capable of love, even if only just a little. She just had to find the proper way to get him to express it.

She wrapped her arms around herself as a breeze blew past her and rustled her hair. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other as she continued to watch him gaze out into the night and she wondered what he could have been thinking about. Was he thinking about the many things left he had to do still or was he thinking about her? The latter sounded silly and she felt her cheeks turn a light shade of pink.

She was being ridiculous and she knew it. But it was worth hoping for, at least. She wondered how often she crossed his mind; even she even crossed it at all. Did he think of her when he was away? Did he ever wonder what things would have been like under different circumstances? She doubted it, but it was comforting to still have some hope that maybe he did; even if it was only every other blue moon.

Perhaps he would want to love her if she was prettier or stronger. She was both plain and weak. She couldn't defend herself from the weakest of demons and she was nothing compared to some of the other women they had come across, both demon and human. She was a human and a boring one at that. She was clumsy and uncoordinated. She was too thin and her hair lacked the brilliant shine that so many other women had. She had not grown into the stunning woman that had once dreamt of being and it was part of the reason she seemed to think Sesshomaru didn't love her as she loved him.

She had once considered seeking the help of demons to remedy this, but her conscious had gotten the better of her and she had quickly pushed the thought away, never to retrieve it again. It would have brought on nothing but her death and she knew that all too well. She had seen it drive too many humans mad and she would not be like them. She would earn his love and affection the hard way if she had to.

She felt a small smile tug at the corners of her lips as she closed her eyes and swayed back and forth, imagining how her life would change then. Jaken would not approve, but then again, Jaken approved of hardly anything. But it was so farfetched that she knew not to dwell too long on her fantasies.

Rin was surprised to find that her demon lord had spotted her when her eyes opened. She could feel the pull of his gaze from where he stood and before she could command herself to do otherwise, her feet were moving her towards him without hesitation and determination.


	2. Chapter 2

She reached him in less time than she thought possible and when she stopped before him she could feel his cool gaze seeping through to her very core. She shuddered and hugged herself more tightly as she struggled to meet his gaze. She hated how he looked at her; like he could see right through her to her very soul. Even after all these years she was unsure of how to fight off that one particular look.

The silence between them was deafening and she focused on the way the moonlight illuminated his silvery colored hair. It almost seemed to glow and she felt her cheeks burning even more as she imagined herself running her fingers through it. She imagined that it must be soft and it donned on her that she had never – not even once – allowed herself to touch his hair. She had been close to him so many times before and yet she had never actually allowed herself to _touch_ him.

Rin cleared her throat and glanced up at him from beneath her eyelashes. He still gazed at her, though she could feel the ice in his hard gaze melting.

"You should be asleep," His quiet voice sounded so loud in the shattered silence and she shrugged her shoulders.

"I can't," She replied simply, lifting a hand to twist a strand of her own hair around her forefinger idly. She looked away from him again and stared out at the plains that stretched out before them. They appeared t go on forever and not a single tree nor shrub could be seen in the distance. She wondered where they were, but the thought was unimportant and fleeting as he brought her back to the present.

"Go to bed," It was a command and she bowed her head in obedience. There was no point in arguing and Rin made to turn, but something stopped her. She was physically unable to obey him and so she turned back to him, studying his face carefully as he looked away from her.

Her eyes traced the line of his jaw and she pressed her lips into a thin line. Minutes passed as she watched him with hundreds of things to say but none of them were able to make it from her head to her lips without getting lost along the way. Her eyes were squinted and she hadn't realized that she had been leaning towards him until he made a move towards her. She jumped back and blinked several times as if just seeing him for the first time.

He arched an eyebrow and she quickly gained her lost composure. She squared her small shoulders and set her jaw as she brought herself up to her full height.

"I don't want to," She said defiantly, ready for him to challenge her. But he said nothing, instead he nodded his head once and looked away once more. Obviously his thoughts were elsewhere and she was little more than a distraction. She sidestepped slightly so she was angled with him rather than standing directly beside him and she took note of how distant his gaze seemed. Her lord was not with her that night and she was actually jealous.

She was jealous of his thoughts; of whatever was preoccupying him because whatever it was had nothing to do with her. She wanted his undivided attention and she wanted all of it. Rin felt an unusual sort of anger bubble up inside her and she tried to swallow it back. Too long he had ignored her and treated her as a child. She was no longer a child. She was a grown woman and a woman that longed to be held in the arms of the man she _loved_.

Her arms fell limply to her sides as angry tears burned in her eyes and she didn't bother to wipe them away. _Let him see me cry. Maybe that will help get my point across_. But he never even gave her a second glance. He was still far away in his thoughts.

She felt panic set in and was hit with the regret of not listening to him. He had obviously told her to go to bed for a reason. He did not want to be bothered by her. He very rarely wanted to be bothered by her anymore. If it was this easy to lose him to his own thoughts she was afraid of how easy it would be to lose him to something far greater and of far more importance.

Rin swallowed hard and glanced around. She could turn and leave him be only to repeat the same vicious cycle another night, or she could take another bold leap and risk everything she had.

She inhaled sharply and squeezed her eyes shut before she threw herself at him, her arms locking around him in a vice grip. His body stiffened in an automatic response to her daring move and she was certain he would push her away with words of disgust. But as her eyes remained closed and her arms remained around him, no such words came.

She could feel him hesitating, his one arm raised but not lowered to her. His muscles were tight and she could feel his every movement; every breath and every heartbeat. He was incredibly warm despite his cold demeanor and she felt relief wash over her in an instant. Her own body relaxed against him and she buried her face against him, inhaling his sweet scent. She would never get enough of him; never.

Time passed slowly though she was certain it had stopped entirely. What seemed like hours later, his arm lowered to wrap around her and it was both familiar and comforting. But this was not enough to satisfy her this time. She would not settle for their normal routine, not this time. This time she was going to push him until she could push no further.

"Lord Sesshomaru," His name was a muffled whisper and the intentional silence that followed was a sign that he had acknowledged her at last. "I am tired of you always telling me what to do," She hesitated a moment before lifting her head and looking up at him. The brief look of surprise that crossed his face almost made her smile and she continued quickly before he could interject.

"I am thirty years old which means I am no longer a child. I choose to follow you because it is what makes me happy. This is what I want to do. I am able to make my own decisions and I…" She trailed off, finding it harder and harder to get to the point at hand. "I want you to treat me like a woman," she paused, "No. I _need_ you to treat me like a woman. I'm not as fragile as you think. I won't break, I won't shatter."

She tried not to shrink under his gaze as he searched her face – studied her. She felt so small and yet she held her ground. She would not back down from this, at least not this time.

He continued to watch her for several more moments and she was prepared to speak again when he raised his other hand and she watched it carefully. Her eyes widened and her blood chilled when he brushed her hair back behind her ear with more tenderness than she expected him to possess. His hand brushed along her cheek and left an icy hot trail afterwards. It both stung and soothed at the same time and she felt herself shudder.

Her breath hitched as his fingers lingered by her ear and she closed her eyes as he tucked the stubborn hair into place, his hand lowering to rest gently on her shoulder. She exhaled her breath in a quick puff and her eyes flew open, blinking at him in awe.

His head was cocked slightly to the side as if he had just realized something, but yet he said nothing. Instead she allowed herself to lock eyes with him and the warmth that his gaze emitted now was nearly paralyzing. In those few short minutes she had caught a glimpse of something she had come to believe did not exist. It had been the most intimate moment they had shared in all of their time together and it left her wanting much, much more.

"Now go to bed," His voice was low and she nodded without hesitation.

"Tuck me in?" She smiled at him sheepishly and made to step away, but his arm held her in place for a moment longer. He released her almost as soon as he realized what he had done and nodded, creating space between them. Rin shivered against the night air and turned to lead the way back to where she had set up her makeshift camp for the night.


	3. Chapter 3

She was not at all surprised to find herself waking up alone the following more, nor was she surprised to wake up alone in the mornings that followed. Another week had passed without further interactions and she was beginning to think that she had dreamed it all up to begin with. Her Lord hardly looked at her now and he avoided getting to close for fear that they would accidentally touch.

Her skin still burned from his touch and she found herself running her fingertips across her cheek several times throughout the day. Her thoughts would consume her and she would find herself worlds away, day dreaming of a life she would never be able to have. It would always end with her wondering if things would have been different if she had stayed in the village with Kohaku.

The village they had camped outside was hauntingly similar to Kaede's village and Rin expected to see Kagome or Sango around every corner she turned. She did miss them. It grew lonely spending all her time with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company when Sesshomaru was away. Jaken was terrible company and even when he was around he did nothing but gripe and complain. She humored the imp, but he was a poor choice for conversation.

She gathered what she needed as quickly as possible and left the village. She paused on the outskirts and watched a group of children jump around and shout at one another during their game. A smile spread across her lips as she wished she could be as carefree as they were once more. She supposed she had been once; young, naïve and oblivious to all else. She would have given anything to have been able to join them, but Rin knew that her time had come and it had passed all too quickly.

She liked to think that if she had ever had a child, that she would have been as free spirited as Rin had been. But she had already accepted that becoming a mother was not a joy she would ever be able to experience. She had forfeited all of her rights to parenthood the moment she agreed to spend the rest of her days at Lord Sesshomaru's side. There was no way he would have a child, let alone a child with a human. His hatred of half demons would not let him and Rin knew she would never be able to be a proper mother.

The woman adjusted the pack of vegetables and other necessities on her shoulder as she tried not to pity herself and her loss. She had always known what life would be like and Lord Sesshomaru had never allowed her to believe otherwise.

The children screeched at one another and their laughter rang through the afternoon air. It took everything she had to turn herself away and make the trek back up to the hill where Ah-Un waited patiently for her.

Ah-Un lifted its head and watched her carefully and she smiled as she approached. "At least someone is glad to see me," She said as she settled down beside the demon and placed the pack between her legs. She opened it and rummaged around inside as she went over the mental list of things she had needed in her head. She had gotten everything and she grabbed two apples from the pack.

She offered one to Ah-Un and watched as it sniffed it curiously before both heads picked at the small fruit and Rin chuckled as she rubbed it on the sleeve of her kimono before taking a bite. She juice ran down her chin but she made no effort to wipe it away as she savored the sweet taste. She had been living off of wild boar, fish and berries for so long that she had forgotten the simple pleasures of an apple. She would have to ask Lord Sesshomaru to give her more time to scavenge about for better food.

"Is it good Ah-Un?" The snort that followed her question caused her to laugh. "I take that as a yes. I'm glad you liked it. I'll have to get you more the next time we stop near a village."

Rin fell silent again and rested against Ah-Un, her apple finished and the core tossed to the side. Her eyes closed as she basked in the warm sunlight. The days always seemed longer when he was away and with little to do to keep her occupied, she once again lost herself to her own thoughts.


	4. Author's Note

**Author's Note**: I felt like it was necessary to post a temporary note up here to let everyone know that I apologize for taking so long to come out with the next chapter. It seems that real life has taken an unexpected turn. I hope to get myself back to writing as soon as possible and I thank everyone that has read and reviewed this story so far along with my previous one. You are the ones that keep this alive, as corny as it sounds. I haven't abandoned this story and I will post a new chapter as soon as I am able. I thank everyone for their time and their patience.


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